does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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