just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I faked an abortion last night.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
