So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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