Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
