If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
