He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
