After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
