Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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