Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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