haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
