i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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