i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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