The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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