Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
handjob tips. give me some.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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