The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
