And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
