best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
