I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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