Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
