Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
