he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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