Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
