i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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