She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
