I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
