piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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