Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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