Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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