She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
