thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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