8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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