this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
