This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
