I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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