i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
