I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
