I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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