There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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