I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
