I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
