She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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