she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
