I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
