just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
