so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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