The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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