It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
