I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
