both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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