I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
