This show inspires me to have sex in space
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
