Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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