i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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