Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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