She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
